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“Call to Plungers” The Inspirational Speeches of a Boy’s Dorm Head

May 17, 2011

Enjoy these two speeches written and performed (quite powerfully) by Boy’s Dorm Head Aldis Gamble.  Thanks to his powerful evocations, boys dorm has achieved unparalleled levels of cleanliness and order.  Only a true leader could call to action the fight against the tyranny of dorm funk, with the force and magnitude of Aldis.

Written April 10th delivered April 11th at morning circle:

“Friends, students, dorm men, lend me your ears. I speak to you now at a defining and momentous time in our semester, a moment of great peril, but also a moment of great opportunity. We stand now on the brink of a war. The first skirmishes have already been fought, and it brings me great sorrow to tell you that we have lost these skirmishes. But, I tell you now, even as we have suffered casualties, we have not lost this war. There is still a chance to win. A challenge has been issued by our adversaries. They have called on us to do battle tomorrow, on Tuesday, April 12th in the Year of Our Lord 2011 in the Boy’s Dorm. So let this now be a call to arms, or rather to brooms, to mops, and to all cleaning weapons. Come, join me in defending our home against the terrible invaders that threaten to invade: the dirt, the grime, the stank. We have seen the atrocities they are capable of. Think of our brethren who have fallen. Do not let the boy’s north middle toilet be encrusted in urine in vain. Do not let the decks be covered in random clothes for nought. Do not let the dory be filled with shoes for nothing. Let these be examples of what will happen of we do not now rise as one force together and destroy our enemies. Tomorrow during exploration time we will fight! Fight for the right of stank free toilets! Fight for the right of not sandy floors!  FIGHT FOR A CLEAN DORM!!!”

Written and delivered on May 5th 2011 at dinner circle:

“Gentlemen, residents of Boy’s Dorm, the time has come once more. Exactly one month ago, I stood before you in this very spot and called on each and every one of you to joint me in what I then named a battle, a battle to clean our dorm. And the following day you cam, armed with brooms and mops, and scrubbed our dorm ‘till it shown. You did Boy’s Dorm proud, and it was an honor to work along side you.

“In the past four weeks we have all been away. Boy’s Dorm changed from our home, to a base out of which we left on our many expeditions, a place to store what we did nto need until we returned. In that time, it began to tarnish. Dirt accumulated on the floors, beds were slept in and left unmade, possessions were left out and have yet to be claimed, and the bathrooms developed such an odor that I could smell them from the path.

“A few days ago I spoke to one of our friends from Girl’s Dorm who had recently seen the inside of our home for the first time. She told me that her overall first impression was that it was messy and disorganized. When I heard that, I was ashamed, ashamed that this was the impression we gave to someone who entered our dorm for a mere five minutes.

“I know how easy it is to see something in the dorm that needs cleaning, or straightening out, and tell yourself that you will do it later, or that someone else is responsible. This very morning, the first thing I saw when entering a bathroom was a clogged toilet. I told myself I would plunge it later, it was too early in the morning. And because I did, two members of my dorm had to bleach the whole bathroom.

“But I refuse to believe that this is the best I, or we as a dorm can do. I am determined to learn from my mistake. I have resolved never again to put off cleaning a dirty part of the dorm. I now ask each and ever one of you to join me in this resolve. Tomorrow is our time. During Exploration time we will clean our dorm until there is not one speck of dirt or grime left. I ask you to take pride in the work we will do. Do not settle for anything less than perfection. When we have finished, ever other dorm and apartment building should be coming to see our dorm as an example of what a truly clean living space should be. I know that nothing can hold us back. I know that tomorrow we will work together and achieve success as a CLEAN DORM!”

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